I have conquered. That is what Mike thought as he left the navy base and hopped into his new hummer 1. He had just finished his training as a Navy S.E.A.L. and was scheduled to begin after a 4 week break. he had finished in the top of his class and he was held in very high regard by his fellow soldiers along with his leaders.
Mike was so well respected because he was so successful after his troubled past. Mike's first memories were in a foster home. He didn’t know but he was only in there so that Maurice, the 60-something year old cat lady could collect money from the government. she was the kind of lady who cared about any one of her seven cats more than she cared about all of her 3 foster children, of whom 2 had mental disabilities and the other,Mike, was forced to appear mentally challenged because that earned more money from uncle Sam. Maurice used the extra money for the cats monthly appointments with the Petsmart animal groomer.
Mike stayed with Maurice until Mike was old enough for Elementery school. She had to give him away at that age because it became to much work to convince the government that Mike was mentally challenged. It wasn’t too much of a problem for maurice because there are always foster children who need a home and she was able to find one within the next 2 months and the cats were quickly able to return to her favorite groomer.
Quite the creative fist page. It feels polished. I really like it.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I would read it.. keep it coming
ReplyDeletePretty good opening line. I wonder if your opening would be more effective if you told this story in first person: from Mike's point of view.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting character. He had to pretend to be mentally challenged in order to get money from the government. That sucks.
I think this would be a lot stronger if told from Mike's POV.