I remember the pain I had
I remember many funerals
I remember failing in school
I remember that I was sad.
Poems like this are always boring.
I remember winning the race
I remember the fun I had
I remember my dream in space
I Remember a life that’s rad
Poems like this are always best
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I'm glad you posted a second poem. I thought that first poem was a joke. How long did it take you to write it? Three, four minutes?
ReplyDeleteThis poem is better. But not much. I like the contrast of the sad poem to the "rad" poem. But it's still way too simple. I'm sure you could do better if you just took it seriously, spent a little more time on it, and if you weren't afraid of exposing part of your soul through poetry.
Suggestions: Be a little more specific. Or, take one of your ideas (a specific funeral, a specific failing in school, your dream in space) and go deeper.
i agree with nelson but it almost shows your personality through not caring about the poetry. i personally like the angle but im sure you can do more.
ReplyDeleteI think your entry just lacks body, but the writing is pretty clever. Try to go more in depth, like Nelson said.
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